As far as I'm concerned, my semster is over.

So its been a couple of days since I took the dreaded NAVLE. I'm not going to sugar coat it. The test blew the big one. It was a terrible experience and I hope to the good Lord in heaven that I passed so I don't have to take it again.

It is apparent to me that you can't really study for the NAVLE. You can try, and some of my studying helped on a couple of questions, but really, its just a bunch of random bullshit in multiple choice form. There were questions about cats attacking children's legs, dogs eating some random pink flowers, and some pony that may or may not have had a dislocated shoulder.

So, did I pass?

I think so. Most of the questions I was able to narrow down to two answers and there were only a few where I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I probably did better than I feel I did. Hopefully. Now comes the long, painful wait until February when we get our results. They really are sick bastards for making us wait that long.

The end of the semester is technically this coming Tuesday. It ended for me as soon as I finished the NAVLE and broke open my bottle of cheap champagne (which I proceeded to nurse on for the rest of the day). We have an online final for our ultrasound class due tomorrow and our surgery lab final on Tuesday. A classmate of mine is bringing jello shots for that one. Yeah, we're going to start celebrating during the test. It is our last exam ever after all.

Woah. Last exam ever? Can I really be so close to that? After being in school my entire life (literally, I haven't been out of school since I started Pre-K) this is a weird thought. No more exams to study for? No more mindless busy work? What the hell am I going to do with myself?

Oh right, get a job . . . .

I'm taking The Test tommorrow

The past two weeks have been a giant jumble of studying for my surgery and ultrasound class, studying for the NAVLE, and finding ways to do either of those things.

I take the NAVLE tomorrow. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaked out about it just a little. I'm trying to stay strong and keep my game face on since most of my other friends are a wreck over it. But secretly I'm afraid I didn't study enough. Or didn't study the right thing. Or that I'm just an idiot and wouldn't pass anyway.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see Jason Mraz this week. No. That was super awesome. I met the band and got to watch the show from the soundboard. Yeah. I'm that cool. The production manager and I became friends and I even got a hug from the saxaphonist after the show. All the little teeny-bopper fans were super jealous. No, that concert was totally worth it.

Maybe I shouldn't have spent so much time reading for fun the past few weeks. I just hate studying.

Not the same way I hated it freshman and sophmore year. This time its a more fundamental hatred. I start studying and all I can think to myself is how much I don't care. Senoritis has set in completely.

Disease: Senoritis

Symptoms: Apathy, boredom, laziness, tracking days until graduation, loss of testing anxiety

Diagnostic tests: Ask the individual about how school is going. If the response is "Fuck vet school" this is considered a positive diagnostic indicator.

Treatment: None. Symptomatic therapy until graduation.

2 months since my last post . . . I know, I fail.

So I've been reminded that I haven't posted in a while . . . my bad. There's no real good reason for this but I will say I've been pretty distracted the past couple of months with the following life developments:

1. Job hunt

After making the final decision to look for a job rather than an internship I then had to decide where and how to look for one. Long story short: I decided to focus my search in the Atlanta and D.C. areas. I basically sent my resume and cover letter out to over 20 practices and hoped for the best. I have one or two really solid opportunities in the D.C. region and several practices that don't have a job at the moment but really want to meet with me. I'll be flying up to D.C. in January to look at a bunch of practices and will hopefully walk away with an offer or two.

Atlanta hasn't really panned out but I'm not too upset over that. As much as my mother wants me to be close to home we really do better when we're in different states. She actually wants me to live at home until I have enough to buy my own place or get married. With the amount of crazy we have between the two of us I'm thinking that wouldn't end so well.

Currently the job thing is on hold until my semester is really over but there should be some really interesting developments in that very soon.

2. The NAVLE

Yeah, definitely taking the national board exam in 2 weeks. Kind of freaking out a little bit. Some of my classmates have already taken it and they seem to be enjoying telling the rest of us that the exam was totally random and they feel like they failed. Awesome.

3. Murray

So those of you that read this blog relatively regularly (or as regularly as I post) know that my little kitty Murray has a slight eating disorder. I couldn't take waking up and finding everything in my house eaten anymore. Plus, I can't afford for that stupid cat to have anymore surgery. So, he's been started on Prozac. Yes, my cat is on Prozac. Its been working really well up until a few days ago when he started in with eating socks again. I'm going to be adding in Feliway to see if that helps. He's become a little bit different of a cat but definitely much easier to deal with.

The funny thing is, as soon as Murray started to become a bit sedate with the Prozac, Lexy started becoming way more playful. I guess since Murray didn't have to be the center of attention anymore she could come into her own a bit. Its bizarre how cats have such individual personalities.

4. School

This has actually not been that exciting until the last week or so. We finally started our advanced small animal surgery course. So far we've had a couple of orthopedics labs where we got to play with IM pins, cerclage wires and external fixators on fake bones. Playing with drills is awesome. I did manage to slash my thumb open during the first lab but I survived. We also just had a cadaver lab for the soft tissue portion where we had to repair a wound. My group had a large wound over the caudal lumbar spine so we amputated the tail and used the skin from that to cover the defect. It was a super cool surgery and our professor said no student group had ever thought to do that before. Tomorrow we get to practice doing FHOs (femoral head osteotomies) and cancellous bone graft collection.


So that's it in a nutshell really. I'll try to update more frequently, I promise! The next few months are going to be a bit of a whirlwind. In January I'm back in the clinic again and things should should start to get more interesting. Oh, and not like I'm keeping track or anything but as of yesterday there are only 6 months until graduation. Wooooo!

I'm starting to immitate the life of my cats.

So I haven't posted in a while and the main reason has been, well, there hasn't been much to post about. Because I'm only taking 7 credits of actual class this semester (I know, you hate me) I don't have class until Sept. 24 (which also happens to be my 25th birthday . . . but that's a whole other issue). Actually, I lied. I did do a couple of things.

I took an extra clinical rotation during two of the weeks I didn't have class. I decided to take Oncology again, and will probably take it for a third time when we go back into the clinic in January. I really like cancer. Maybe that came out wrong . . . I should say, I like treating cancer. The fact that we can help animals that would otherwise be condemned to death with drugs that we use in humans is pretty cool. Chemotherapy rocks my world. The best part is that you don't have to be a specialist to do chemo. You can do it in your general practice if you feel qualified. Somewhere in the future I would like to start a chemo clinic at whatever practice I'm at. Some of these patients need weekly chemo, why send them to a specialist that may be hours away if you can administer the drug yourself? Granted, it's slightly more complicated than that but as long as they still have white blood cells they're usually good to go.

Speaking of which, for the first time I lost a patient and had a moment of panic that it was my fault. A cat came in that was in clinical remission from lymphoma. He had had a reaction to vincristine (wooo peripheral neuropathy!) so he was set to get vinblastine instead. I calculated the dose, placed the catheter, and pushed the drug. Then I come in on Monday and find out that my little lymphoma kitty had died in the ICU the night before with a WBC count of 250 and a neutrophil count of 30. Yes, that's right 30 neutrophils running around his little body. So, naturally, I freaked out, checked my doses like 6 times and then came to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault and that is all part of the chemo game. Well, I found out later that he actually presented because he had neuro signs and the necropsy showed a rather large mass in the CNS. So maybe it wasn't the chemo that killed him. I still felt bad.

Okay so that was 2 weeks. What have I been doing since then? Well, to be honest, not a whole lot. I've been sleeping in, working out, and in general just being pretty lazy. I have started studying for boards (again, a whole other issue) and am working on my job search.

By the way, D-day is December 8th. The fateful day I take my board exam. Still a little weirded out by that.

Fay be damned, I wanted to get home!

I did it. I finally made it back home. No more driving. No more sleeping on couches. I never thought I would so happy to be back.

I did run into a little snag in getting home today. You may have heard of a little squall known as Tropical Storm Fay. I drove through it today. It was awesome. And by awesome, I mean terrible. Apparently I was driving straight through a region with tornadoes that you couldn't see because the rain was so heavy. Normally, I wouldn't drive when I can only see about 10 feet ahead of me but I was really desperate to get home. In the end, I'm safe and happy in my warm apartment.

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So here are the stats for my trip:

Number of states I've slept in: 10

Number of states I've driven through: 11

Speeding tickets: ZERO!! (yeah, that's right, five thousand miles and no tickets!)

Clinics visited: 5

Amount spent in gas: Unknown (I don't want to know, I might hurt someone)

Miles driven (this trip): 2278

Miles put on my car this summer: 5045

Total miles traveled: 7693

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So that's it, the summer is officially over. Now I have one day until I start my extra Oncology rotation. Time to get back to real life.

Life lessons and heartbreak

Has it been almost 20 days since my last post already? I have just finished my externship in D.C. and a short visit to a clinic in Fairfax (possible job opportunity???). The externship was okay, not anything exceptionally exciting. I think it was the rest of my time back in my college town that was the most eye opening.

Have you ever gone back to visit your childhood home or alma mater or previous job to find that everything has changed? I don't think that's actually an accurate assessment. I think everything usually stays the same and it's you who has changed. That is most definitely what happened to me. I stayed with my best friend, Amanda, in College Park, MD (home of the great UMD Terrapins) and realized that I have changed so much in the past three years. I've matured, as scary as that is to think.

So back to my original thought. If I didn't get a lot out of my externship what did I get out of my time in Marland and D.C.? Well, a lot . . . I think.

1. Internships and years on the job don't make you a great veterinarian.

Okay, so that's a bold statement. But there was something I noticed about the vets in D.C. (most of whom had done internships): none of them were particularly great at communicating with their clients. I saw so many of them confuse the owners and lose opportunities to help out the patients because of a lack of communication skills. I knew that if they had just allowed me to talk I could have explained things and convinced the owner (without being too pushy) that Fluffy's broken tooth is painful, Sparky can lose some weight, or their are other options to declawing for Fifi. Then I saw the vets in Fairfax, most of whom did not do internships, who were great vets and had some amazing skills with their clients. It reassured me that I can do just fine without doing an internship. I just have to have faith in my great people skills and my own knowledge.

2. All but one will break your heart.

This is another bold, somewhat cryptic statement. What I mean to say is that all the men you date in your life will break your heart until you find the one that doesn't, the one you are supposed to be with. My heart was broken twice over the past three weeks. Once by a man who I thought was going to be the right one for me, but then decided he would rather stay with his girlfriend who he admits doesn't make him happy and who he is not attracted to. He told me he was too scared to break up with her right now. So really, he would rather be with someone who makes him unhappy than be with me. That's a real confidence booster.

Then there was Mitch. I have had a thing for this guy since my freshman year of college. For the past 7 years I have pined away for him, thinking I saw something in him that no one else did. I was just waiting until he finally manned up, matured a little bit and realized that I was everything he was looking for. We've been friends for years and I knew he was going to realize all this when I saw him again. He pursued me while I was in town, called me, begged me to come over to watch movies and cuddle. He showed every sign of being interested. Then, all of a sudden, he started avoiding me. When I finally talked to him he acted as if nothing happened and just shrugged his shoulders. I should preface this by saying this happened once before in college. I thought he had grown up a bit since then. He hadn't. Mitch broke my heart into a thousand little pieces and then just walked away like it was no big deal.

My friend Mary tells me I'm building karmic points with the universe. I've had so much heartbreak in my past that the universe owes me big time and it will eventually deliver an amazing person to love.

3. True friends are hard to come by but will always be there for you.

That's what Mary and Amanda showed me while I was in town. I hadn't seen Amanda in 2 years, Mary I hadn't seen in 3. I have talked to them a little bit while I've been in school but not too much. It didn't matter. It was as if no time had passed. They are both desperately trying to get me to move back to the metro area. I think I might seriously look into it. My family isn't there but at least I know I will have some good friends nearby that I could count on.

So that's it, my diatribe for the moment. Life lessons learned while on the road. I will be getting back to school this weekend after stopping at my parent's to pick up my cats (one of whom is now "fat as a house" now according to my mother . . . great). Back to school, back to the grind, and time to get ready for boards, a job search, and graduation. Scary.

Jersey has been keeping me busy. The practice I'm at is great. The clinicians are nice, the technicians are helpful, and the caseload is high. I spent last week on the medicine service and then this week with the emergency department and I have seen so many cases. I've truly been enjoying my time here.

As much as I like the practice I'm at, and although they are doing their best to convince me to come back, I still think an internship isn't the right thing for me. From what I've gathered interns are overworked, underpaid, and still not treated like real doctors. The interns at this place don't have much primary case responsibility except for on the emergency service. They work 12 hours a day (at least), six days a week, and make very little money after taxes. That's not the life I want to lead, even for a year.

I've had several interesting cases come through that I have been able to be involved in. Many of the cases that are seen are very ill and have a poor prognosis. It's always been interesting to me how people react to bad news and when they draw the line at stopping.

Today a dog came in today for lethargy and a possible abdominal mass. Well, it most definitely had an abdominal mass and it most definitely was bleeding from it. Not good, but not altogether untreatable either. The owner wasn't expecting news like that. After going over her options with her she decided to euthanize. She didn't want the dog to undergo several diagnostics, blood transfusions, and major surgery. He was 11 and had about another good year or two left if (and that was a big if) the mass was benign. If it was bad and we treated he had at most 4 months. So her decision wasn't wrong. She said her goodbyes and that was it.

Then there is another patient with a far different story. Several months ago the dog was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The prognosis was poor and they gave her about 2 months to live. The owner refused to accept this and kept believing that the dog's brain tumor could be cured. As the dog worsened the owner was convinced it was from other problems that could be fixed, not the tumor. Now, the dog is moribund, unresponsive, sloughing its gut, and dying in front of our eyes. But her owner doesn't believe in euthanasia. The dog isn't really there anymore. She is breathing and her heart is beating but the essence of this incredibly sweet dog has passed on.

So when is it right to euthanize? When do we stop treating? When do we give up on resuscitation? Obviously there is no right answer to these questions. We can only take it on a case-by-case basis. What I would do is very different from what anyone else would do in the same situation. This is why I think I will have to keep myself at a distance emotionally from most of these cases. If I allow myself I could become very angry with the owner of the dog with the brain tumor. What is the purpose of that? Anger only upsets me more.

So far I haven't become emotional about any case really. Maybe I've been more attached to some patients than others. This past week a stray cat was brought in that had a broken leg and a wound which exposed her pelvis and had torn her rectum. She was wet, dirty and wailing. When I saw her crawl out of her carrier on her broken limb I suddenly teared up and would have cried if I hadn't thought better of it. I never expected that kind of reaction. I wanted to scream at someone to get the euthanasia solution as fast as possible so we could put this poor creature out of its misery. It was an odd reaction for me.

Over the next few years I'm sure I'll have more of those episodes and I will eventually find a balance between my own feelings and doing my job to carry out the wishes of my owners. I think I will have to in order to survive this job.

Thinking out loud

So like I said yesterday, I've had a lot of time to think during my recent driving adventure. I've also had time to listen to a book on tape about achieving goals (I know, I'm one of those people). The big question of the moment is: What do I want to do after vet school? I think for some people it's an easy answer, get a job, do an internship, join the army, etc. But when I was planning my life I only got as far as wanting to get into vet school. I never really thought about what I would do when I actually got there.

So here are my options as I see them:

1. Go to LA to do an internship and not have to worry about the match.

2. Do an internship and apply through the match to a couple of places.

3. Find a job.

Let's assume I decide to do an internship (and forget about where at this point). I would have to ask myself: Why is this what I want to do? Do I want to do a residency? I think at this point I've decided I'm not interested in pursuing a specialty. Even figuring this out was a big revelation. If I am honest with myself and look at where I truly want to be I come to the conclusion that I want to work as a general practitioner and a large, urban/suburban, multi-doctor practice.

Okay. So no residency. Then do I think I need more supervision once I graduate? Am I not confident in my skills and competency as a doctor? Again, being honest with myself, I feel that I am a relatively confident vet student and I am not actually afraid of going into practice. That being said, I do feel mentorship would be helpful.

Alright, that brings up a new question. Do I have to do an internship to get the benefit of a mentor? I don't think so. I believe that if I put the right amount of effort into a job search I can find a practice that will offer me as much guidance as an internship (with the benefit of a higher salary). I would have to work hard to find the right place but I really do think it is possible, I just have to be patient and not take the first thing that comes across my plate.

Back to the original question though. Why do I want to do an internship. I dug down deep inside and tried to answer that question as truthfully as possible. The reason I came to was that I feel as if it is expected of me to continue my education. But expected by whom? Not my parents. My professors? Perhaps some of them have given me the impression that wouldn't want to see someone like myself "wasted" as a general practitioner. But I don't ascribe to that elitist attitude among specialists. Is it me that expects it? Is it just what I think I'm supposed to do?

If I am completely honest with myself that is not a good enough reason to do anything. The expectations of others should not guide what I do with my life.

I enjoy client interaction. I'm excited to get out there and start practicing. I want to expand my business skills. I want to lead a comfortable life without having to sacrifice all my time and energy.

This only leads to one conclusion: I want to find a job.

It feels as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe now I can stop stressing about what I want and get started achieving it. That's an exciting thought.

Back on the road and already committing illegal activities . . .

I realized yesterday that I hadn't been on I-95 in 3 years. I felt a strange sense of coming home when I saw this sign:I drove to Charleston to visit with my sister who haven't seen in a while. She only yelled at me once for my political views (which, in all honesty, are pretty minimal), so it was a good trip. The truth is it was actually a really nice visit. My sis and I haven't always been so close and I think we bonded a bit this time around. I also got to try a new drink from Starbucks (which I can't remember the name of but it's like a smoothie), so all around, awesome time.

I left at about 8:3o this morning to head as far north as possible. I'm set to visit a practice in New Jersey starting on Monday. So I drove . . . and eventually ended up here:

Ahh, nothing like cheap novelties to break up the monotony of the road. I went to the top of the big hat (can't beat the ticket price of one whole dollar!). And yes, I bought fireworks. My mother informed me that it is illegal to transport fireworks over state lines. I'm not so sure that is true but I like feeling like a rebel for the day!

So then I kept driving . . . and driving some more . . . and then I drove a bit more . . .

I ended up in College Park, the home of my Alma Mater, the awesome University of Maryland. I'm spending the next few days here to visit friends. Oh, and I also happen to have a date while I'm here too! There will definitely be more on that later!

I had a lot of time to think during my 850 mile drive today. I think I may be starting to figure out what I want to do after graduation. But I should write about that when I'm not simultaneously watching Futurama and my friend play Rock Band. Oh it's good to be back with college buddies.

Other slightly interesting news: I officially registered to take the NAVLE this past weekend. Freaky.

I never thought I'd be so happy to be back

I am finally back home. It only took me about week to get here.

I had to spend some time with my parents and cats because the little devil, Murray, decided to eat my mom's bathrobe and needed surgery again. Yup, that's right, that would be foreign body removal #3 now. He is a horrible cat. He's lucky he's so damn cute. My dad, who is allergic, is totally in love with my cats now. He wants no expense spared when it comes to their health. This is a complete change from before they were taking care of them. I'm glad he understands why I love them so much.

I'm glad to be back to my apartment. As much as I love living out of suitcases, it's nice to have a real bed, my own washer and dryer and a kitchen again. My car is happy to. The little road warrior can rest for a week or so before I take her on any more major trips. So how many miles have I gone over the past month?

Total miles driven: 2767
Total miles flown: 2648

Total miles traveled: 5415

That's a lot of miles. And the summer ain't over yet!

Soon enough I'll be having to make some big decisions and I really don't want to. Being offered this internship has kind of thrown me for a loop. If it wasn't at such a respectable place that I know will open doors for me it wouldn't be as big of a deal. But now I really have to think hard about whether or not I want to get a job or do an internship. And if I do want to do an internship do I really want to do it there? I've been avoiding thinking about this by telling myself I still have 2 more externships to do.

I think I'm just going to continue to live in my own little world of avoidance for a few days more. Right now the only thing I'm concerned with is finishing my laundry and finding some food . . .

Life after La La Land

Someone once said, "Los Angeles is 72 suburbs in search of a city." That couldn't be more true.

L.A. is a horrible city filled with poverty, tourist attractions, pollution, and people with so much wealth it's sickening. Can you tell how much I liked it?

If I had only gone to visit and see the city I would probably say that I will never go back. But the truth is, I loved my externship. It's hard to describe but I seemed to fit in so perfectly at the practice. From the moment I started I had already made friends and found teachers. One of the cardiology residents took me under his wing for the two weeks I was there and taught me so much. Of course that was between all his sarcastic comments, anti-semitic jokes, and chauvinism (which was all a complete act, he really was a sweetheart!).

I got to see some amazing cases. There was a dog with severe immune-mediated thrombocytopenia, some blocked cats, a ridiculous number of dogs with mitral valve disease, a kitten with pulmonary stenosis, and even a cat with multiple myeloma. All of the clinicians, residents and interns tried to teach me as much as they could about each case. I even got comfortable with some of the cardiac drugs and how we use them (I am terrible at cardiology). It really was an all around amazing experience.

Probably the best thing came at the end though. One of the clinicians sat down with me to talk about my experience. I told her that I had a great time and really enjoyed the practice. She then told me that they were very impressed with me and would like to see me back for an internship. That blew me away. I am used to my teachers liking me but to hear that I was impressive to "real" people out in the "real" world was something else.

So what am I going to do? I'm not entirely sure. I still have the rest of the summer and two more externships until I have to start seriously thinking about post-graduation stuff. I'm sure I'll be thinking this out on my blog at a later date. Right now I'm exhausted. I flew in to Dallas yesterday and left for my parent's place today to help take care of Murry (the jackass had to have surgery again today . . . I'll explain later). I made it to Eutaw, Alabama. Yeah, long day of driving. Now it's off to bed for me . . . *yawn* . . .

Scared

I don't want to leave Dallas today.

These past two weeks I've learned a lot about about myself. Verdict on a surgical residency: not for me. I love surgery but I don't think I have the drive to pursue it as a specialty. I don't think I could handle doing what these interns did and going through 2 internships just to spend another 3 years in a residency. Some of them didn't even match so they are back where they started trying to find a job as a general practicioner.

I have also learned that I miss being in a city. I love the activities and culture of being in a metropolitan area. Dallas is too far from my family, which is its only downside.

I'm terrified to go to L.A. Not only am I afraid of the city (for no real apparent reason) but I also have a sick feeling in my stomach because I'm staying at a hostel that I know very little about. I think it's in a decent area (the south end of Westwood) but I have no idea. I've read mixed reviews, some raves and some telling people to stay away. I hope it's okay. Maybe that sick feeling is just because I'm hungry.

I have to believe everything is going to be okay.

Plastic surgery for pets?

Tonight is my last night in Dallas. I realize I have not posted much from this city but that is because I have just been so busy having an amazing time. I explored the Uptown district, saw "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" (hilarious by the way), went to a sculpture garden, listened to live jazz at the art museum, saw a production of "Othello" in a park, and learned all about the Kennedy assassination at The Sixth Floor Museum (according to the local gurus on the Grassy Knoll Lee Harvey Oswald was not the gunman and there were multiple shooters).

This past week was more enjoyable at my externship since there was a different group of interns (they all rotate through 4 clinics over the year) who were easier to get along with. We also had some interesting cases. For example, a very small and frail dog that was attacked by a much larger dog came in with spinal fractures. The surgeon placed an awesome external fixator on that made the dog look bionic. We somehow managed to not pierce the spinal cord or aorta, woohoo! When I left the dog was doing great and will be sent home for a while on Monday. I also got to see a total hip replacement and the removal of an abscessed kidney (which exploded and was super awesome . . . the dog did awesome too).

There was also a very interesting case that brought up a lot of issues for discussion. An owner wanted her dog to have perky ears so one of the surgeons placed implants to help them stand up. The dog is not a show dog and has no history of ear problems. This was a pure cosmetic procedure. Unsurprisingly, she was still not happy with the results and flipped out at the surgeon (who really brought this on himself, he knew she was nuts).

This brings up a very interesting question though. Is it ethical to perform an unnecessary cosmetic procedure on an animal? And what is considered unnecessary? We have been ear cropping and tail docking for ages, does that make it right? I don't know too much about either of those to make a comment (although I think these have to do with breed standards?). As far as fixing the ears I do have a few thoughts.

First, death is a possible risk of anesthesia, even in healthy patients. I do not think that any animal (or human) should be put under anesthesia unless it is absolutely necessary. If an animal were to die from anesthetic complications while undergoing a frivolous procedure it would be a great tragedy.

Second, the animal is not consenting to having its body changed. Humans must get cosmetic surgery of their own accord. No one ever performs a boob job on someone without asking. I realize that animals cannot give consent for any surgery but not all humans do either. Patients come into human ERs all the time and go to surgery whether they're conscious or not. This argument of no consent is why some people are against kidney transplants in cats (but that is another topic . . .).

Lastly, in this particular situation it was clear that the owner was not rational about this topic. She admitted that she was willing to risk the dog's life to have his ears the way she wanted them. This is a person who needs medical help, not veterinary.

After a bit of thought I decided that if someone asked me to perform this surgery I would decline. I do not think it is ethical. So where do I stand on declaws, neuticles, tail docking, and the rest? I don't know yet. Perhaps it depends on the situation and why the owner wants these things done. I may be less likely to declaw a kitten with no scratching post than an older cat that the owner's may get rid of because it keeps scratching their children. It is an interesting topic and one I think we all as veterinarians need to figure out for ourselves.

Finally, some quiet time

So I haven't posted since I got to Dallas. I know. There is a good reason for that. Within five minutes of arriving I was decorating cupcakes with my host's grandchildren. That was a sign of things to come.

Barbara is this fabulous woman that has two kids who live about a mile from her. Her daughter has triplets that are 12, and her son has two daughters, 6 and 1. It was the end of the school year for them so things were a little crazy. They trew a little welcome party for me on Sunday (which was so sweet), we went to the symphony in the park on Tuesday, and Wednesday they had their big end of the year party for the entire 5th grade class. Plus every other night we were doing something with the kids or, on one night, we went to eat in the Uptown area. Yesterday there was another party so today is the first day I've gotten to just relax a bit. I've actually had a lot of fun with the kids, they all love me and think I walk on water . . . although, I'm not completely sure why.

But, more importantly, I started my externship. I have just been scrubbing into surgery after surgery all day, every day. It's been awesome. I've gotten to see some really cool stuff. The other day we had a cat come in that had been hit by a truck. At first we thought there were just pelvic fractures but then one of the clinicians suspected there was a tear in the bladder. After confirming that she was correct we opened the cat up. Turns out there was no bladder tear but the pelvic urethra was completely avulsed. We managed to find each end and somehow fixed it. The cat, however, didn't get the memo and wouldn't produce any urine so he eventually was euthanized. We also saw a dog which presented for a stump pyometra which was actually an adhesion between the uterine stump and the jejunum. It looked like something neoplastic was going on but we'll let histo figure that one out.

I've also gotten to see a lot of orthopedic surgeries, which is good since I haven't had my ortho rotation yet. They do a ridiculous number of TPLO's so at this point I am pretty comfortable with the procedure (although I don't think I'm ready to handle a bone saw just yet). Some of the dogs have been pretty huge so I've gotten to see a lot of the joint anatomy (which is super sweet).

The externship hasn't been all great though. For one, everytime they ask me a question I blank and get the answer wrong, so I pretty much look like a moron. Also, the interns have been less than welcoming. They're nice enough but they're so tired from their year of interning that they are just ready to be done with it all. Maybe next week will be better since the group of interns at this location (there are 4) will be changing.

I'm pretty sure after this week that doing a surgical residency isn't going to be for me. I love surgery and all but it seems like the doctors are so focused on the procedure that they don't really pay much attention to the patient. Most of the interns can't even answer me when I ask how old the animal is. But still, I'm learning a lot and emjoying myself which is the important part.

Down in the Louisianna bayou

I'm trying to see if I can make it through my whole iPod music library. There are 611 songs on my little nano and so far I've gotten through about 250 of them. I'll admit, I've skipped some, but those are the ones I'm not really sure why I put them on in the first place.

I made it across the Mississippi River and almost across the entire width of Louisianna. Not much to see on the road, just come cornfields and cows. I was surprised at how much more fertile Louisianna appeared to be compared to Mississippi. But still, not too much to see.

You may have noticed by now my little DIfferential Diagnosis book in most of my pictures. I'm using it to represent me since I'm traveling by myself and it's hard to find people to take my picture sometimes. PLuse, I don't like being in too many pictures. I don't think I'm very photogenic. It's a quirk of mine, I know. THis little book will be accompanying me to each externship. It's the only one that will be going to all 4 locations since it's the only one that I will be able to take on the place with me to LA (Fossum's is just too heavy).

So I made it to Shreveport and I'm only about 3 hours from Dallas. This city has a really cool boardwalk area on the Red River which I walked around for a couple of hours today. I also bought some presents for myself and my host in Dallas (I had to get her fancy pancake mix to go with the syrup). I would feel worse about it if I hadn't gotten everything on sale. The whole boardwalk is basically a giant outlet mall, which makes it super awesome.

I have to say, I was a little nervous before embarking on this trip. I don't know why. Something profoundly deep having to do with neomg pm ,u pwm amd wprlomg O'm sure. But once I got started everything felt better. This trip feels like the one I took when I graduated college. I spent 2 and 1/2 weeks tromping around Europe, staying in hostels and riding overnight trains by myself. I like traveling alone. You can basically do whatever you want. I don't feel like I have to keep anyone entertained. I can eat where and when I want and, most importantly, I can sing as loud as I want in the car. The only thing I really miss are my cats. It's weird, I know, I'm a cat lady. They're just so damn cute and cuddly.

Tomorrow I'm leaving early to try and get into Dallas before noon, which shouldn't be a problem. I can't wait to start my externship. I know it's going to be great.

Drive, drive, drive and then drive some more

I took that picture at 11:00am, May 27th before I left for my parent's place. I packed up the car with everything I could think of and threw in the kitty cats for a nice little 6 1/2 hour jaunt to the Atlanta area. I saw this sign as I got into Gwinnett county (where my parents are):




My dad will be happy to know that by living in Gwinnett he lives with success.

Trip miles: 355
Total miles: 355

I spent the next couple of days with my mom shopping, eating, hanging out, and, oh yeah, looking at houses. My parents still haven't found a house and after going out and looking with them I can see why. The houses are ridiculously overpriced and the newer ones are pretty but built like shit. Not to mention all the kitchens are impractical. I told my mom that it's because most builders are men and don't understand that you actually have to use a kitchen, not just look at it. Overall it was actually a really nice trip. I don't get to see my parents all that often. So now Lexy and Murry are settled in (and causing trouble) with my mom and dad for the summer.

This morning I left Atlanta and headed west to Meridian, Mississippi. The drive was okay. Truthfully, there's not much between Atlanta and Meridian. I stopped in Birmingham, Alabama to have lunch. I wasn't overly impressed, although there was a really nice park, Linn Park, and a yummy eatery called Zoe's Kitchen. The city seemed like it was inhabited mostly by young, business-type people, although, that may just be the downtown area where I was.



Then there was the drive between Birmingham and Meridian. I am basically traveling west on I-20 for the entire trip to Dallas. I've discovered that there is absolutely nothing in northern Alabama and Mississippi. Seriously, nothing. There was an exit every ten miles or so with a gas station, that was about it. I think the road is mainly just for trucks and people like me on road trips.

Meridian also leaves something to be desired. I drove to the downtown area and drove immediately back out. It's charming but definitely still being rejuvinated. So instead I decided to go check out a little historic landmark, Causeyville General Store. After getting ridiculously lost I found the little store. They grind their own corn meal there and make their own ribbon cane table syrup. The woman who owns it was pretty interesting. She's an elderly woman and does all the mill work pretty much on her own. She used to have several employees but when Katrina hit she had to have the roof re-done on the store and she was forced to let everyone go. She's still paying off the roof. I bought a jar of the syrup that they make to give to my host in Dallas.

Now I'm just chillin' out in my hotel room. I'm exhausted and can't wait to get to sleep!

Trip miles: 364
Total miles: 719

My next adventure

Senior banquet, graduation, the end of classes . . . its all come and gone. I still can't believe I am officially a senior in vet school. Just the thought of it seems ridiculous. In one year I will be graduating. Weird.

Since the end of classes I've been alternating between being incredibly lazy and incredibly productive. I finally got all of the information from Open House together to pass on down to next year's committee. I also met with the clinician and resident I'm doing research with to talk about where we're going (I'm doing a super cool retrospective study on our use of the VAC bandage). I've also made great strides on my cross-stitching project. (I've been working on the damn thing for about a year and a half.) Alright, maybe the last one doesn't quite fit into the productive category but I like it. The flip side of my vacation has been that I've been sleeping a ridiculous amount (almost as much as my cats). I think I've just been catching up from my lack of sleep this semester.

All of that doesn't matter that much to me though. Tomorrow the real fun starts.

I'm doing 4 externships this summer and I leave tomorrow. I'll first be driving to the Atlanta area to visit my parents and give them the kitty cats for the summer. Then I drive to Dallas for two weeks. After that I fly out to LA for another two weeks and then fly back to Dallas so I can drive back home (which is about 850 miles). I'll be home for two weeks before driving up to New Jersey for two weeks then driving to D.C. (the best city on the planet) for two (possibly three) weeks.

So the past few days I've been cleaning my house and putting off packing. Which means the bulk of today is dedicated to packing like a mad woman. How do you pack when you're going to be gone for over a month? I guess I'll find out. Plus I have to pack up the car with all the cat's stuff which includes their cage (which thankfully folds up), two air filters (my dad is allergic), all their toys, some litter boxes, their food, etc. It's like traveling with children. I don't know what I'm going to do with them during the ride (it's about 6 hours). I'll have to stop to give them water I guess and maybe see if they'll go to the bathroom on their harnesses (though I doubt it). If you have any advice on traveling long distances with cats I would really like to hear it.

To add some more excitement to today I have a friend driving up tonight to hang out for a bit. We went to college together and just realized that we live in the same state. I should probably have my head examined for all of this.

I'll be sure to keep posting while I'm on the road and on my externships. This is going to be an awesome summer.

Plan for today

1. Shower
2. Take my medicine final (which I am not prepared for . . . meh)
3. Revel in the fact that I am done with my 3rd year, woohoo!
4. Go out and groom one of the blood donor mares one last time
5. Take a nap
6. Work-out
7. Senior skits!!!

Lets just hope I don't get stuck up on #2. I am really not prepared for this one. Mostly because I'm so over the whole studying thing. My mind is already out of this town and focusing on my ridiculously awesome externships this summer.

Oh, and P.S. Murry is doing fine. So well in fact that he's already eaten another piece of a toy (no obstruction this time) and is back to harassing his poor sister. Stupid cat.

That's it, I'm firing my cat.

Remember that time my cat, Murry, ate a cotton ball and we had to go to surgery. Yeah. Exactly 1 year and 2 weeks after that event we were at it again.

Last week I noticed Murry was doing the usual "I'm sick, I ate something" routine. I didn't think much of it at first because this happens with him often and usually whatever it is passes in a day or so. Well, after 24 hours, a dose of metoclopramide, and several doses of lactulose (the majority of which ended up on his fur) later he had gotten worse. So I took him into the vet school and after some radiographs and an ultrasound it was determined that he needed surgery.

Thing of it is, my parents had told me that the next time he obstructed with a foreign body we would have to consider putting him down. I'll admit, he does have a chronic problem of eating everything and its not fair to put him through surgery once a year. However, I was not ready to let my little kitty go over something that I knew was completely fixable. Luckily my mom came through and told me to take him to surgery, she would help cover some of the expense.

So off we were again, I packed up Murry, headed down to my mentor's husband's clinic (where the surgery is about half as expensive as at school) and watched as Murry got cut open once again.

So here is what we saw:

And here is what we pulled out:



Doesn't look like anything too exciting huh? Maybe another cotton ball? No, he doesn't have access to those anymore. A toy mouse? Hmm, I didn't think so. So I pulled it apart a bit and realized exactly what it was . . .


It was the tail end of this:
That is Murry's favorite fox toy. Note the missing end of the tail. There was a white part that used to belong there, Murry decided it would be tasty. It was a little over an inch long and about 3/4 of an inch in diameter. Pretty freakin' big for a little cat intestine. The sick thing is that he chewed the tail off and then swallowed it whole. What cat does that? I would also like to point out that the toy is missing all four feet. Murry ate those a while ago and proceeded to vomit them up in my bed. I found them when I rolled over and my foot landed in a wet pile of fox legs. I should of taken the toy away then. I'm a moron.

Needless to say the toy is now confiscated, along with all other stuffed animals. In addition, I have finally bit the bullet and bought a cat cage. Its spacious and has little shelves. Murry is about to become a crate-trained kitty cat. No more running around my house destroying things while I'm gone or while I'm asleep. He won't like it but it's better than surgery again right?

Meanwhile, I've been studying for my small animal medicine final which is tomorrow. I'm pretty screwed since I've already been struck with senoritis and I'm not even a senior yet. However, that will all change after this exam tomorrow, I'll be done with junior year and officially be a senior! Woohoo!

I talked to a cow, she asked me not to eat her.

I actually did talk to a cow. She didn't say anything back though. I'm not that crazy.

For the past 3 years or so I've not exactly been a vegetarian but my friends make fun of me as if I actually was one. I generally only eat what my mother describes as "happy cows". In other words, animals that had been ethically raised and slaughtered. That pretty much meant I didn't eat any commercial meat, only locally raised, grass fed animals. Considering that I was a livestock management major in college this was a pretty big deal when I made that decision.

So why did I make that choice? The commercial meat industry is not something I want to support. I don't want to go into my diatribe about the abuse of the common cow or, even worse, the abuse of the people who work for the slaughterhouses. This isn't the place for it. Suffice it to say, the way meat is raised and brought to our table in this country doesn't fit with my personal ethics. I still ate meat but it had to meet my ethical standards.

Well, I've made the final leap. I'm cutting out all meat and poultry, no matter what. I guess its not that big of a leap for me. I barely ate meat as it was. And I love tofu and anything made by Morningstar Farms or other "fake meat" brands (I ate that stuff years before I even thought about not eating meat). I still eat fish and shellfish but give me another couple of years, I'm sure that'll get phased out too.

I guess I just think that if I'm going to cause the suffering of an animal (and I don't think many people would disagree that the animals suffer at some point before they hit the plate) I really should be able to face up to it. And since I don't like causing suffering to anything I just decided to not partake in it. I don't mean to change anyone's eating habits or to be preachy. I was just thinking about this choice I made.

Have you ever wondered why there aren't more vegetarians in vet school? I think there are like 2 or 3 of us in my class. There are more hunters in our school than there are vegetarians. That always seemed strange to me.

Are we done yet?

Its amazing how time flies these days. This past Thursday I went to the sophomore coating ceremony. When we finish our second year we begin our clinical rotations and in honor of that we do a little rite of passage and get our white coats. Its actually a really nice thing that recognizes the ridiculous amount of work that we do our first two years. I got a little choked up though because it seemed like just yesterday that class was starting school. I was one of the students that worked with them extensively during their orientation so I know most of them pretty well. I am so proud of all of them, especially my "little brother" Greg, who I know is going to do awesome on clinics.

What was probably even more emotional was the realization that in a year from now I'll be graduating. Its crazy to think that in one year this will all be over and I'll be entering the real world. For the first time in 8 years I will not be at a university. Hell, for the first time in my life I won't be in school! In two weeks we will be done with classes and we will officially be seniors. That's a crazy thought. I'll be a senior in vet school.

But for now I guess I should focus on the immediate future. Namely my cytodiagnostics and final medicine exams. After that I get a little break before I have to pack up and begin my externship adventures. My car just got a little check-up and it should be ready for the 4000 miles I'll be driving over the summer. My first stop is Dallas. I've never been there before, heck, I've never been to Texas before, so if you know of anything I should check out while I'm there let me know.

Oh, and we had our class elections for next year. I restrained myself and didn't run for class president. I officially have no leadership responsibilities next year. It makes me a little sad but all the same, I think it will be a nice change for me and I'll be able to focus on me and relax a little. Oh, and maybe it'll give me some time to find a job too!

Life can start again! Woohoo!

Open House is OVER!!!!! I can't believe how well it went. Everything ran so smoothly during set-up and during the actual event. It was amazing how everything came together. All the demonstrations ran on time, all the lectures had good crowds, and the booths looked fantastic! It seemed like everyone that attended had a really good time. The kids seemed to especially love the wildlife and zoo medicine room where they got to color, make construction paper animals, and meet bats and parrots. My favorite was the police dog demonstration. The officer got the kids involved and the dog was absolutely adorable (when he wasn't attacking of course!). It was such a great day. I even ended up on the local news! A reporter came and interviewed me and got some great shots of the event. But of course, the sound clip that they aired of me talking was the one snipet where I said something silly! I tell you what though, I passed out like it was my job when it was all over. I fell asleep as soon as I got home and slept through most of the day on Sunday.

I couldn't rest much longer though because we had our first small animal medicine exam today. I didn't get to study as much as I wanted though because last night was the annual SCAVMA budget overflow meeting. We had $78,000 in requests and only $25,000 in overflow to give to student clubs. Do the math. It didn't end well. I'm a board member so I had to vote on people's budgets and decide how much money to give each group. It was so hard. I hated having to tell people no. We had to look at each budget very critically and the worst part was that some people took what we were saying personally. There was almost a knock-down, drag-out fight towards the end of it and I had to step in and calm everyone down. I don't like being the "bad guy" so by the end of the meeting I was really shaken up and almost near tears. There are just so many good causes that I wish I could have given money to everyone, we had to try and spread it out to help as many students as possible though. Such high stress, I can't wait to be off of the board. Two years of having to vote on this stuff is enough for me. I'm boycotting the meeting next year.

Nevertheless, I managed to get through my exam today and I think I did alright. The questions were straightforward and fair for the most part. Now that Open House, the budget meeting, and my exam are over with I can start living my life again! I started cleaning my house today (which had been grossly neglected recently) and getting ready for Passover. My parents and sister are coming to see me for the seder on the first night at my synagogue's cantor's house. Its going to be awesome, this is absolutely my favorite holiday!

Something cute

I decided I needed to post something cute on my blog since its been rather wordy and depressing lately. So here's a picture of my demon cat, the foreign body emergency waiting to happen. He found a large plastic bag that was begging to be destroyed:

T minus 1 day!

Open House is just around the corner. I am so excited and nervous about this thing. It is the first major event that I've ever headed up. I thought it would never take off. It was one of the major stressors that led to my recent breakdown (or whatever you want to call it). I can't believe though how everyone involved has stepped up and gotten things done. My committee has been amazing.

I'm always so scared to relinquish control. Its not that I think my way of doing things is better, its just that if I do everything then I know it will get done. Planning Open House has been such a lesson in delegation and trusting others. I think that if you give people responsibility and encourage them that they can achieve what your asking then they will. I am so proud of all the people I've worked with, their work is going to make this event awesome.

I still wish there was more support from the administration and faculty. Unfortunately, my school does not cultivate a culture of leadership and involvement. Its a frustrating situation for me. I will continue to try and set an example of leadership for the students but its almost impossible to do that when there is a lack of leadership in those above me. I'm not sure there is much I can do as a student to change this. I'm hesitant to confront the administration on this issue for obvious reasons.

I made a promise to myself the other day and I'm going to write it here so that other people will read it and I will have to stick to it. I promised myself that I will not take any volunteer leadership positions next year. I think I need a break from the whole "leader" thing for a while to focus on myself a bit. Hopefully this will make me a better leader when I'm out in the "real world" (a prospect that is still very frightening). I'll still be involved, don't get me wrong, but the pressure needs to be taken off for a while. Plus, I want to really focus next year on where my life is going . . .

I still haven't decided if I'm going to do an internship after graduation. Is it worth the horrible hours and crappy pay if I'm not going to do a residency? Hmmm, still not sure about that.

Coming back from the edge.

This post comes with a warning. There is some serious stuff in here. Writing and publishing this is more for me I think than anyone.

If you read some of my more recent posts you may get the impression that I am not a happy person. And the truth is, I wasn't. The past few weeks (few months really) have been very difficult for me. My life was quickly spiraling out of control. I couldn't see it at first. I thought I was only feeling this way because I was a vet student and we're supposed to be stressed. Now, I can't say exactly what it was that caused things to get so bad. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, maybe it was Open House, maybe it was my parent's moving, maybe it was just the fact that I forgot to take care of myself first.

I don't know. But what ended up happening was I fell into a deep pit of depression. I hid it well from my friends. Although, I think most of them suspected something when I began to withdraw. I tried not to talk to anyone in class unless I had to. Stopped hanging out on the weekends. Really just stopped caring about anyone or anything.

This is the part where I am going to write something that I haven't told anyone. It got to the point where I needed to start escaping. I began to start taking some of my left over pain medication from some injuries I had a while back. Nothing too crazy but enough for me to disconnect for a while and maybe even get some sleep. I also started drinking on my own. Tequila. Rum. Whatever I had. I think if I had kept on going with this lifestyle I would have just drawn myself farther and farther into a pit.

A little over a week ago was when I hit my breaking point. I thought this was it for me. I couldn't handle the stress anymore, the expectations, the life-altering decisions I was going to have to make soon. I figured I would have to hang my head, get through school and just go through the motions for the rest of my life.

But then I reached out to someone and they had a suggestion for me. Leave. Take a weekend and leave this town, leave school, leave everything and regroup. Take a few days to relax and think about what's going on. So I did. I told my friends that I had to leave town for the weekend and they wouldn't be able to contact me. I packed my bags bought some books and left for someplace sunny, beautiful and with blue water.

Oddly enough, right before this little trip of mine we had our 3 days of business management. We had someone come to talk to us about life skills. He recommended several books for us to read that could help us become more successful in life, whatever that may mean to us individually. I listened to a couple of the books on my iPod during the car ride and bought another book to read while I was lazing around. I credit this speaker and those books with saving my life, or at least my mental well-being.

The books that I read (or listened to in some cases) were The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Four Agreements, and Who Moved My Cheese? Maybe not the most earth-shattering array of literature but they put things into a new perspective for me. The knowledge that they contain isn't new. It's just written in such a way that I finally "got it". My life was out of control because I allowed it to be. If I wanted that to be different I needed to take control back. Start making my own choices again. I had to start behaving differently. No more getting caught up in the drama and negativity that surrounds me. To borrow from Covey's 7 Habits, I had to start moving from being Dependent to Independent. Begin living my life on my terms and taking care of myself.

Since coming back from my little vacation this past weekend things have already started to get better. I am still extremely busy but now I've chosen to be more organized with everything. Things are still high stress but instead of acting like a victim I'm choosing to react differently. Rather than becoming overwhelmed by problems I am actively trying to solve them and seeking help when I need it.

Its still early yet to tell if things really have changed. I'm taking Covey's 30 day challenge. Spend 30 days trying to be proactive with your life. Its difficult but I think being proactive will be a positive step towards digging myself out of the hole I got into. I don't think I'm alone out there. I think there are a lot of other high achieving people out there (vet students and non alike) who allow this to happen to themselves. Its important that we learn from our past mistakes though and move on to try and achieve a little more happiness. That's what I'm trying to do.

Happy Purim!

I know I should be studying but I had to take this moment to display my pick for the upcoming election . . . .



P.S. I suggest wikipedia if you don't get this, you'll have to excuse my Jew humor :)

Forward motion

I can't seem to motivate myself enough to really study for this anesthesia exam.

Its days like these where I look back and wonder where I ever got the motivation to do all the things that I've done. How did I get here? Where did I get all that energy that I remember oh so well? Why did no one warn me that I would burn out?

No, I don't think its that I've burnt out. I think that I just can't bring myself to move forward.

I feel like with every exam, the end of every class, and the passing of every weekend brings me closer to this inevitable fate of having to decide what to do. I don't want to figure out the next step. I don't know what the right move is going to be. How will I know what path will be the correct one that will lead me to the future that I've imagined for myself? Frankly, I don't like to think about it. I feel like the choices I have will lead me in vastly different directions.

I'm pretty sure I want to do an internship. But then, why not just start work and make twice as much money? Do I really want to do a residency? If so, what type would I do? Where do I want to live? Should I go back to my favorite city? Try a new place? Stay close to my family? When am I going to have time to find a husband? Will I ever find a husband? Will I make enough money to live the type of life I'm used to? How will I ever remember everything I need to know to treat animals? What really is the benefit to an internship if you don't do a residency? Could I even get the internship I really want? Will I even make it past Open House? Who will write my letters of recommendation? What am I really doing with my life?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. Literally.

I don't know why all of a sudden I've stopped sleeping and started worrying. Perhaps its the fact that the seniors are all getting ready to go on to their next steps and it is bringing the reality of my situation so much closer.

Maybe there is no right answer. I don't think there's one choice I could make that would make it all work out. I just wish I could come to terms with it all and realize that whatever choices I make in the future are the ones that are meant to be. It just all makes me want to curl up in a ball and have someone else make these decisions for me. Someone wiser. Someone who can see into the future better than I can.

And then again, this is all a bit premature isn't it? I haven't even gone on my externships. I can only hope that they will provide the guidance I've been seeking.

I'm too tired to think of a title

I don't know where all my days are going anymore. It seems like there are less than 24 hours in the day lately. Between school, open house, class president stuff and the gym I don't have much time for studying let alone doing anything fun. Well, I guess the gym counts as fun, personal time. Its the only time I have when I don't have to be a student or class president.

Class. Haha. Well, that could be worse. At least we're done with small animal pathology. We had our final on Monday. I think I've past the point of really caring about exams. I mean, of course I care that I do well, but I don't freak out about taking a test anymore. I guess thats a good thing? We have two exams next week in anesthesia and dermatology. I really should be more worried than I am. I guess I just don't have time to worry anymore.

This open house thing is going mildly better. Things are starting to come together which is making me happy. However, there's still a lot to get done. And unfortunately, because of the type of person I am, I'm still not sleeping much because of it. Although, my cat constantly knocking my clock off my dresser is not helping either.


Completely off topic. Does anyone else think its strange that Elizabeth Berkley is hosting a dance competition show on Bravo? Kind of random.

Crisis averted

Murry has recovered. With the help of some lactulose and the questionable use of metoclopramide my cat is back to normal. Phew. I don't think I could have gone through another surgery with him.

We had a BBQ on Saturday. Lots and lots of food.

It was also one of our friend's dog's birthdays. So we had a dog cake.

This would have been all well and good. However, when I walked in I was greeted by my best friend sitting next to her ex-boyfriend on the couch. Her emotionally and verbally abusive ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend who I hate more than anything. The thing that shocked me the most is that she has apparently been talking to him for a while now. When they broke up it was horrible. She was broken and I had to pick up the pieces. The goal was to get her to stop talking to him because every time she did he made her believe she was a horrible person. After a little while I thought we were there. She wasn't talking to him, she was crushing on some other guy and everything was happy. And then all of a sudden this. The worst part is that she didn't tell anyone she was talking to him again, which means she knows we would tell her not to.

And then all of a sudden he shows up. Not even a text from her to warn me. As if nothing happened. And he's all trying to joke around with me as if everything is still okay. He is such a toxic person. Its like having a friend with a drug problem who refuses to get help. Arg. I dislike this situation.

Its days like this I'm glad I'm single. Boys are more trouble than they're worth.

Stupid cat . . .

My stupid cat is sick again. Murry has this horrible habit of eating everything in my house. No really, everything. Clothing, socks, stuffed animals, wires, shoes, towels, etc. Nothing is sacred to this cat.

What usually happens is that Murry eats something, it bothers his stomach, he throws up a couple of times, and then he feels okay. Every now and then, though, he obstructs himself and he starts to feel really ill. He just sort of sits around all day (which is completely unlike him because usually he's causing trouble around the house and trying to find things to eat) and vomits lots of fluid. The last time this happened the end result was this:

And what was it that we pulled out? Well, after carefully dissecting the offending object we determined that it was a cotton ball.

A while ago my mom gave me this drawstring pouch to put my jewelry in when I traveled. Normally I'm very good about keeping it away from the cats but I woke up this morning to see that it was on the floor. I must have left it on my dresser by accident. It was clear that Murry had consumed a significant portion of the drawstring. Linear foreign body anyone? So far I've been lucky, the last time he at a string-like substance (specifically my favorite string bikini) he passed it. He may still pass what's ailing him now but I don't know. I might have to take him in to school with me tomorrow.

As much as I complain about Murry destroying my house I really do love him more than anything. I never had pets (aside from two parakeets when I was a kid) before Lexy and Murry. They pretty much rule my life and I would do anything for them. I live alone so they're all I have to come home too. Murry usually greets me at the door like a dog and spends the night curled up at my head or feet. Lexy is an angel and I can't sit on the couch without her in my lap. Seeing Murry hurting like this just makes me want to cry. I hope he's okay, I don't know what I'll do with myself if he isn't.

Pitbulls, Shmitbulls

At the gym today I had a conversation with some people about dog breeds. CJ (one of our trainers whom I lovingly call Obi-Wan Kenobi) was saying he didn't think he would want a pitbull because he thinks they're mean. I know, I know, I explained to him that not all pitbulls are mean, etc. And even though some have been known to eat a horse, it bothers me that people have stereotypes like that about certain breeds. Yeah, pitbulls are big and look scary but unless they're trained to fight or guard they're actually really sweet dogs. Same thing with Dobermans (although, they have a few screws loose in the head but that's another issue). The way I see it, any dog can bite. The worst dogs I've worked with have been Jack Russles and Labradors.

I went to look at this apartment complex once and this is about the conversation I had with the tour lady:

"Do you have anymore questions about our apartments?"

"Yeah, just out of curiousity, I don't have a dog yet but do you allow them?" I asked.

"Yes, but we do not allow pitbulls or rottweilers."

"Really? Why is that?"

"Well, because they're the two most dangerous breeds," she said.

"Well, I feel very protected now. So why don't you ban all dogs?" It should be noted, there was quite a bit of sarcasm in this statement.

"Other dogs don't bite." At this point in the conversation I realized I was dealing with a real moron.

"Ma'am, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if it has teeth, it bites."

She sort of looked at me and I could tell she didn't know what to say. I'll be honest, I had decided long before this exchange that I didn't want to live there because it was too long a commute and there were too many undergrads living there so I decided to continue to be an ass.

As I got up I said: "Well thank you for showing me around but I don't think this is going to be the place for me."

"I'm sorry to hear that, may I ask why?" she asked.

"I don't believe in racial profiling."

This is a dysfunctional relationship

I hate vet school.

Let me clarify: I actually love that I'm in vet school. I just hate it at the same time. There are plenty of reasons why I love it but tonight I feel like listing the things that I hate about it. Humor me.

1) I rarely get to meet new people

I think this is why I love going to conferences so much. They're the only times when I get to meet new, interesting people. Even so, they're all still vet-oriented. I've always been the type of person to have an eclectic group of friends. School is so all consuming that I don't have that luxury anymore.

2) There are many things that I want to do that now I can't.

Example: live in Israel. I think that when I graduated college I chose a definitive path for my life without even knowing it. Although I always wanted to be in vet school there's a part of me that will always want to travel, learn new cultures, try different things, and just be free. Now I am going to be $120K in debt after four years and I feel bound up. I might never be able to just pick up my life and change it on a whim again. Its been a dream of mine to go live in Israel, learn to speak Hebrew and really connect with my heritage there. I don't know if that will happen now. Or if it does, it won't be as easy as it would have been if I had done it right after college.

3) My class sucks.

This is rather specific to the people in my class but I hate it nonetheless. Its like pulling teeth to get them to do anything. We have this negativity that surrounds us and sometimes it just drags me down.

4) My school hates students.

Sounds strange huh? Well, recently we've been facing some pretty serious budget cuts. And guess what's been being sacrificed? No, not the brand new, fancy hospital that they're about to start building which is going to take away almost all of our parking (another way they show how much they love us). No, what's suffering is our education. Faculty members are leaving and they can't hire new ones to replace them. We're no longer allowed to print notes in the library at will (you practically need a note from the Governor for the library ladies to let you print a power point lecture). The shelter program is a fraction of what it used to be (many students were not even allowed to request this rotation because its so small now). Students have to act as wards techs on the weekends because the school can't afford to pay people to do it. They claim that its part of our "learning". Yeah, because I'm going to be doing so much cage-cleaning and dog-walking when I'm a doctor.

5) Someone stole soap from our bathroom today.

Who does that?? The girls in my class have always bought our own soap from Bath and Body Works for our bathroom for the past 2 years. Recently they've been getting stolen. Seriously, who does that?

6) Open House

I believe I discussed this in my previous post. I still hate it.

7) Its Friday night and I spent it at Starbucks reading dermatology notes.

Know why? Because I've been so busy this week with random school related crap that I had to use my Friday night to catch up. Fine . . . I guess that's my fault for being too "involved" but still, it makes me cranky.

Give me about a week. I'm sure I'll be posting a list of things I love about vet school.

You know, they never told us during orientation that we were about to go on an emotional roller coaster. I've dated my fair share of guys but my relationship with Vet School is by far and away the most dysfunctional one.

If I didn't secretly love it so much I'd have to break up with it.

I know, I suck.

Okay, so maybe its been 2 months since my last post. My bad. I think there are a few reasons I haven't been posting. 1) I didn't think life during classes was that interesting, 2) I didn't think anyone was really reading this, and 3) I'd rather just forget about most of what's been going on than re-live it on here.

Maybe that was a little dramatic.

Classes. Not much to say about them. They've been relatively easy and our schedule has been ridiculously light. For example, I had the last two weeks off because I didn't have to take any of the classes being offered. And before that I was only taking two classes, both of which had take-home exams. Although, this week, it seems we have a more normal class schedule. I'm actually taking two classes now (oh the horror) and I start a third tomorrow. And yes, these classes all have real exams. Too bad my cat isn't as good at helping me study as he thinks he is.

And yet, I'm busier than I've ever been.

This whole being class president thing has really started to suck this semester. It started with pizza sales. Our class sells pizza every Friday to the school as a fundraiser. Which means I have to be the one to order the pizza, send out the emails, and beg my classmates to volunteer to sell it. I sold the pizza myself the first few weeks while I was getting everything settled. And once the ridiculous bitching and moaning were over I managed to get enough people to sign up for pizza sales to cover the semester. And so far its been going fairly well. But then, there's still Open House to deal with.

Oh yes, the Dreaded Open House.

See, this event isn't the worst thing in the world. Its one day where we set up some displays, invite some rescue groups to come show their dogs, have some demonstrations and have an all around good time. The problem is that the administration has put our open house entirely on the students. The planning of the event is a huge headache. The worst part is getting our class involved. See, "They" tell us that it is required for our class to participate. But there is no consequence or incentive for students to help out. Nothing happens to them if they just choose to not help. And since our class had to do Open House our freshman year (don't even ask about that one, its a long story) no one wants to do it again this year. The end result is that its like pulling teeth to get people to participate and that we don't even have enough people volunteering to run booths so that all the departments are represented. Its pretty much the biggest pain in the ass ever.

As if that wasn't enough I'm also working on a retrospective study this semester, "adopted" one of our blood donor mares (although, thats not much, we just go out and brush her once a week), I might start working a couple of hours a week taking care of a research dog, and am taking care of any other random class crap going on (which is more than you would think).

Its not all work and no play though.

I went to NAVC again this year. That was, as usual, awesome. Plus, I got a scholarship so I got to fly out to Las Vegas for the Western Veterinary Conference. That was also an awesome conference. I'm not going to lie, there are a lot of stories that have come from that trip. But you know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ;-).

Actually, while I was out in Vegas I made a connection with Dr. Ettinger (if you are reading this and are a vet student you probably know who this is, I call him the "all-knowing god of small animal internal medicine") and now I'm going to go out and do an externship at his practice. I'm so excited! Of course, that makes 4 externships I'm doing now over the summer. I'm not sure I'll ever actually be home. Luckily, my parents are moving to Atlanta this spring so they'll be close enough that I can bring my cats to them to watch. I'm not sure I've ever talked about my cats on here, that'll have to be another post.