Open House is OVER!!!!! I can't believe how well it went. Everything ran so smoothly during set-up and during the actual event. It was amazing how everything came together. All the demonstrations ran on time, all the lectures had good crowds, and the booths looked fantastic! It seemed like everyone that attended had a really good time. The kids seemed to especially love the wildlife and zoo medicine room where they got to color, make construction paper animals, and meet bats and parrots. My favorite was the police dog demonstration. The officer got the kids involved and the dog was absolutely adorable (when he wasn't attacking of course!). It was such a great day. I even ended up on the local news! A reporter came and interviewed me and got some great shots of the event. But of course, the sound clip that they aired of me talking was the one snipet where I said something silly! I tell you what though, I passed out like it was my job when it was all over. I fell asleep as soon as I got home and slept through most of the day on Sunday.
I couldn't rest much longer though because we had our first small animal medicine exam today. I didn't get to study as much as I wanted though because last night was the annual SCAVMA budget overflow meeting. We had $78,000 in requests and only $25,000 in overflow to give to student clubs. Do the math. It didn't end well. I'm a board member so I had to vote on people's budgets and decide how much money to give each group. It was so hard. I hated having to tell people no. We had to look at each budget very critically and the worst part was that some people took what we were saying personally. There was almost a knock-down, drag-out fight towards the end of it and I had to step in and calm everyone down. I don't like being the "bad guy" so by the end of the meeting I was really shaken up and almost near tears. There are just so many good causes that I wish I could have given money to everyone, we had to try and spread it out to help as many students as possible though. Such high stress, I can't wait to be off of the board. Two years of having to vote on this stuff is enough for me. I'm boycotting the meeting next year.
Nevertheless, I managed to get through my exam today and I think I did alright. The questions were straightforward and fair for the most part. Now that Open House, the budget meeting, and my exam are over with I can start living my life again! I started cleaning my house today (which had been grossly neglected recently) and getting ready for Passover. My parents and sister are coming to see me for the seder on the first night at my synagogue's cantor's house. Its going to be awesome, this is absolutely my favorite holiday!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Something cute
I decided I needed to post something cute on my blog since its been rather wordy and depressing lately. So here's a picture of my demon cat, the foreign body emergency waiting to happen. He found a large plastic bag that was begging to be destroyed:
T minus 1 day!
Open House is just around the corner. I am so excited and nervous about this thing. It is the first major event that I've ever headed up. I thought it would never take off. It was one of the major stressors that led to my recent breakdown (or whatever you want to call it). I can't believe though how everyone involved has stepped up and gotten things done. My committee has been amazing.
I'm always so scared to relinquish control. Its not that I think my way of doing things is better, its just that if I do everything then I know it will get done. Planning Open House has been such a lesson in delegation and trusting others. I think that if you give people responsibility and encourage them that they can achieve what your asking then they will. I am so proud of all the people I've worked with, their work is going to make this event awesome.
I still wish there was more support from the administration and faculty. Unfortunately, my school does not cultivate a culture of leadership and involvement. Its a frustrating situation for me. I will continue to try and set an example of leadership for the students but its almost impossible to do that when there is a lack of leadership in those above me. I'm not sure there is much I can do as a student to change this. I'm hesitant to confront the administration on this issue for obvious reasons.
I made a promise to myself the other day and I'm going to write it here so that other people will read it and I will have to stick to it. I promised myself that I will not take any volunteer leadership positions next year. I think I need a break from the whole "leader" thing for a while to focus on myself a bit. Hopefully this will make me a better leader when I'm out in the "real world" (a prospect that is still very frightening). I'll still be involved, don't get me wrong, but the pressure needs to be taken off for a while. Plus, I want to really focus next year on where my life is going . . .
I still haven't decided if I'm going to do an internship after graduation. Is it worth the horrible hours and crappy pay if I'm not going to do a residency? Hmmm, still not sure about that.
I'm always so scared to relinquish control. Its not that I think my way of doing things is better, its just that if I do everything then I know it will get done. Planning Open House has been such a lesson in delegation and trusting others. I think that if you give people responsibility and encourage them that they can achieve what your asking then they will. I am so proud of all the people I've worked with, their work is going to make this event awesome.
I still wish there was more support from the administration and faculty. Unfortunately, my school does not cultivate a culture of leadership and involvement. Its a frustrating situation for me. I will continue to try and set an example of leadership for the students but its almost impossible to do that when there is a lack of leadership in those above me. I'm not sure there is much I can do as a student to change this. I'm hesitant to confront the administration on this issue for obvious reasons.
I made a promise to myself the other day and I'm going to write it here so that other people will read it and I will have to stick to it. I promised myself that I will not take any volunteer leadership positions next year. I think I need a break from the whole "leader" thing for a while to focus on myself a bit. Hopefully this will make me a better leader when I'm out in the "real world" (a prospect that is still very frightening). I'll still be involved, don't get me wrong, but the pressure needs to be taken off for a while. Plus, I want to really focus next year on where my life is going . . .
I still haven't decided if I'm going to do an internship after graduation. Is it worth the horrible hours and crappy pay if I'm not going to do a residency? Hmmm, still not sure about that.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Coming back from the edge.
This post comes with a warning. There is some serious stuff in here. Writing and publishing this is more for me I think than anyone.
If you read some of my more recent posts you may get the impression that I am not a happy person. And the truth is, I wasn't. The past few weeks (few months really) have been very difficult for me. My life was quickly spiraling out of control. I couldn't see it at first. I thought I was only feeling this way because I was a vet student and we're supposed to be stressed. Now, I can't say exactly what it was that caused things to get so bad. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, maybe it was Open House, maybe it was my parent's moving, maybe it was just the fact that I forgot to take care of myself first.
I don't know. But what ended up happening was I fell into a deep pit of depression. I hid it well from my friends. Although, I think most of them suspected something when I began to withdraw. I tried not to talk to anyone in class unless I had to. Stopped hanging out on the weekends. Really just stopped caring about anyone or anything.
This is the part where I am going to write something that I haven't told anyone. It got to the point where I needed to start escaping. I began to start taking some of my left over pain medication from some injuries I had a while back. Nothing too crazy but enough for me to disconnect for a while and maybe even get some sleep. I also started drinking on my own. Tequila. Rum. Whatever I had. I think if I had kept on going with this lifestyle I would have just drawn myself farther and farther into a pit.
A little over a week ago was when I hit my breaking point. I thought this was it for me. I couldn't handle the stress anymore, the expectations, the life-altering decisions I was going to have to make soon. I figured I would have to hang my head, get through school and just go through the motions for the rest of my life.
But then I reached out to someone and they had a suggestion for me. Leave. Take a weekend and leave this town, leave school, leave everything and regroup. Take a few days to relax and think about what's going on. So I did. I told my friends that I had to leave town for the weekend and they wouldn't be able to contact me. I packed my bags bought some books and left for someplace sunny, beautiful and with blue water.
Oddly enough, right before this little trip of mine we had our 3 days of business management. We had someone come to talk to us about life skills. He recommended several books for us to read that could help us become more successful in life, whatever that may mean to us individually. I listened to a couple of the books on my iPod during the car ride and bought another book to read while I was lazing around. I credit this speaker and those books with saving my life, or at least my mental well-being.
The books that I read (or listened to in some cases) were The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Four Agreements, and Who Moved My Cheese? Maybe not the most earth-shattering array of literature but they put things into a new perspective for me. The knowledge that they contain isn't new. It's just written in such a way that I finally "got it". My life was out of control because I allowed it to be. If I wanted that to be different I needed to take control back. Start making my own choices again. I had to start behaving differently. No more getting caught up in the drama and negativity that surrounds me. To borrow from Covey's 7 Habits, I had to start moving from being Dependent to Independent. Begin living my life on my terms and taking care of myself.
Since coming back from my little vacation this past weekend things have already started to get better. I am still extremely busy but now I've chosen to be more organized with everything. Things are still high stress but instead of acting like a victim I'm choosing to react differently. Rather than becoming overwhelmed by problems I am actively trying to solve them and seeking help when I need it.
Its still early yet to tell if things really have changed. I'm taking Covey's 30 day challenge. Spend 30 days trying to be proactive with your life. Its difficult but I think being proactive will be a positive step towards digging myself out of the hole I got into. I don't think I'm alone out there. I think there are a lot of other high achieving people out there (vet students and non alike) who allow this to happen to themselves. Its important that we learn from our past mistakes though and move on to try and achieve a little more happiness. That's what I'm trying to do.
If you read some of my more recent posts you may get the impression that I am not a happy person. And the truth is, I wasn't. The past few weeks (few months really) have been very difficult for me. My life was quickly spiraling out of control. I couldn't see it at first. I thought I was only feeling this way because I was a vet student and we're supposed to be stressed. Now, I can't say exactly what it was that caused things to get so bad. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, maybe it was Open House, maybe it was my parent's moving, maybe it was just the fact that I forgot to take care of myself first.
I don't know. But what ended up happening was I fell into a deep pit of depression. I hid it well from my friends. Although, I think most of them suspected something when I began to withdraw. I tried not to talk to anyone in class unless I had to. Stopped hanging out on the weekends. Really just stopped caring about anyone or anything.
This is the part where I am going to write something that I haven't told anyone. It got to the point where I needed to start escaping. I began to start taking some of my left over pain medication from some injuries I had a while back. Nothing too crazy but enough for me to disconnect for a while and maybe even get some sleep. I also started drinking on my own. Tequila. Rum. Whatever I had. I think if I had kept on going with this lifestyle I would have just drawn myself farther and farther into a pit.
A little over a week ago was when I hit my breaking point. I thought this was it for me. I couldn't handle the stress anymore, the expectations, the life-altering decisions I was going to have to make soon. I figured I would have to hang my head, get through school and just go through the motions for the rest of my life.
But then I reached out to someone and they had a suggestion for me. Leave. Take a weekend and leave this town, leave school, leave everything and regroup. Take a few days to relax and think about what's going on. So I did. I told my friends that I had to leave town for the weekend and they wouldn't be able to contact me. I packed my bags bought some books and left for someplace sunny, beautiful and with blue water.
Oddly enough, right before this little trip of mine we had our 3 days of business management. We had someone come to talk to us about life skills. He recommended several books for us to read that could help us become more successful in life, whatever that may mean to us individually. I listened to a couple of the books on my iPod during the car ride and bought another book to read while I was lazing around. I credit this speaker and those books with saving my life, or at least my mental well-being.
The books that I read (or listened to in some cases) were The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Four Agreements, and Who Moved My Cheese? Maybe not the most earth-shattering array of literature but they put things into a new perspective for me. The knowledge that they contain isn't new. It's just written in such a way that I finally "got it". My life was out of control because I allowed it to be. If I wanted that to be different I needed to take control back. Start making my own choices again. I had to start behaving differently. No more getting caught up in the drama and negativity that surrounds me. To borrow from Covey's 7 Habits, I had to start moving from being Dependent to Independent. Begin living my life on my terms and taking care of myself.
Since coming back from my little vacation this past weekend things have already started to get better. I am still extremely busy but now I've chosen to be more organized with everything. Things are still high stress but instead of acting like a victim I'm choosing to react differently. Rather than becoming overwhelmed by problems I am actively trying to solve them and seeking help when I need it.
Its still early yet to tell if things really have changed. I'm taking Covey's 30 day challenge. Spend 30 days trying to be proactive with your life. Its difficult but I think being proactive will be a positive step towards digging myself out of the hole I got into. I don't think I'm alone out there. I think there are a lot of other high achieving people out there (vet students and non alike) who allow this to happen to themselves. Its important that we learn from our past mistakes though and move on to try and achieve a little more happiness. That's what I'm trying to do.
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