Happy Purim!

I know I should be studying but I had to take this moment to display my pick for the upcoming election . . . .



P.S. I suggest wikipedia if you don't get this, you'll have to excuse my Jew humor :)

Forward motion

I can't seem to motivate myself enough to really study for this anesthesia exam.

Its days like these where I look back and wonder where I ever got the motivation to do all the things that I've done. How did I get here? Where did I get all that energy that I remember oh so well? Why did no one warn me that I would burn out?

No, I don't think its that I've burnt out. I think that I just can't bring myself to move forward.

I feel like with every exam, the end of every class, and the passing of every weekend brings me closer to this inevitable fate of having to decide what to do. I don't want to figure out the next step. I don't know what the right move is going to be. How will I know what path will be the correct one that will lead me to the future that I've imagined for myself? Frankly, I don't like to think about it. I feel like the choices I have will lead me in vastly different directions.

I'm pretty sure I want to do an internship. But then, why not just start work and make twice as much money? Do I really want to do a residency? If so, what type would I do? Where do I want to live? Should I go back to my favorite city? Try a new place? Stay close to my family? When am I going to have time to find a husband? Will I ever find a husband? Will I make enough money to live the type of life I'm used to? How will I ever remember everything I need to know to treat animals? What really is the benefit to an internship if you don't do a residency? Could I even get the internship I really want? Will I even make it past Open House? Who will write my letters of recommendation? What am I really doing with my life?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. Literally.

I don't know why all of a sudden I've stopped sleeping and started worrying. Perhaps its the fact that the seniors are all getting ready to go on to their next steps and it is bringing the reality of my situation so much closer.

Maybe there is no right answer. I don't think there's one choice I could make that would make it all work out. I just wish I could come to terms with it all and realize that whatever choices I make in the future are the ones that are meant to be. It just all makes me want to curl up in a ball and have someone else make these decisions for me. Someone wiser. Someone who can see into the future better than I can.

And then again, this is all a bit premature isn't it? I haven't even gone on my externships. I can only hope that they will provide the guidance I've been seeking.

I'm too tired to think of a title

I don't know where all my days are going anymore. It seems like there are less than 24 hours in the day lately. Between school, open house, class president stuff and the gym I don't have much time for studying let alone doing anything fun. Well, I guess the gym counts as fun, personal time. Its the only time I have when I don't have to be a student or class president.

Class. Haha. Well, that could be worse. At least we're done with small animal pathology. We had our final on Monday. I think I've past the point of really caring about exams. I mean, of course I care that I do well, but I don't freak out about taking a test anymore. I guess thats a good thing? We have two exams next week in anesthesia and dermatology. I really should be more worried than I am. I guess I just don't have time to worry anymore.

This open house thing is going mildly better. Things are starting to come together which is making me happy. However, there's still a lot to get done. And unfortunately, because of the type of person I am, I'm still not sleeping much because of it. Although, my cat constantly knocking my clock off my dresser is not helping either.


Completely off topic. Does anyone else think its strange that Elizabeth Berkley is hosting a dance competition show on Bravo? Kind of random.

Crisis averted

Murry has recovered. With the help of some lactulose and the questionable use of metoclopramide my cat is back to normal. Phew. I don't think I could have gone through another surgery with him.

We had a BBQ on Saturday. Lots and lots of food.

It was also one of our friend's dog's birthdays. So we had a dog cake.

This would have been all well and good. However, when I walked in I was greeted by my best friend sitting next to her ex-boyfriend on the couch. Her emotionally and verbally abusive ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend who I hate more than anything. The thing that shocked me the most is that she has apparently been talking to him for a while now. When they broke up it was horrible. She was broken and I had to pick up the pieces. The goal was to get her to stop talking to him because every time she did he made her believe she was a horrible person. After a little while I thought we were there. She wasn't talking to him, she was crushing on some other guy and everything was happy. And then all of a sudden this. The worst part is that she didn't tell anyone she was talking to him again, which means she knows we would tell her not to.

And then all of a sudden he shows up. Not even a text from her to warn me. As if nothing happened. And he's all trying to joke around with me as if everything is still okay. He is such a toxic person. Its like having a friend with a drug problem who refuses to get help. Arg. I dislike this situation.

Its days like this I'm glad I'm single. Boys are more trouble than they're worth.

Stupid cat . . .

My stupid cat is sick again. Murry has this horrible habit of eating everything in my house. No really, everything. Clothing, socks, stuffed animals, wires, shoes, towels, etc. Nothing is sacred to this cat.

What usually happens is that Murry eats something, it bothers his stomach, he throws up a couple of times, and then he feels okay. Every now and then, though, he obstructs himself and he starts to feel really ill. He just sort of sits around all day (which is completely unlike him because usually he's causing trouble around the house and trying to find things to eat) and vomits lots of fluid. The last time this happened the end result was this:

And what was it that we pulled out? Well, after carefully dissecting the offending object we determined that it was a cotton ball.

A while ago my mom gave me this drawstring pouch to put my jewelry in when I traveled. Normally I'm very good about keeping it away from the cats but I woke up this morning to see that it was on the floor. I must have left it on my dresser by accident. It was clear that Murry had consumed a significant portion of the drawstring. Linear foreign body anyone? So far I've been lucky, the last time he at a string-like substance (specifically my favorite string bikini) he passed it. He may still pass what's ailing him now but I don't know. I might have to take him in to school with me tomorrow.

As much as I complain about Murry destroying my house I really do love him more than anything. I never had pets (aside from two parakeets when I was a kid) before Lexy and Murry. They pretty much rule my life and I would do anything for them. I live alone so they're all I have to come home too. Murry usually greets me at the door like a dog and spends the night curled up at my head or feet. Lexy is an angel and I can't sit on the couch without her in my lap. Seeing Murry hurting like this just makes me want to cry. I hope he's okay, I don't know what I'll do with myself if he isn't.

Pitbulls, Shmitbulls

At the gym today I had a conversation with some people about dog breeds. CJ (one of our trainers whom I lovingly call Obi-Wan Kenobi) was saying he didn't think he would want a pitbull because he thinks they're mean. I know, I know, I explained to him that not all pitbulls are mean, etc. And even though some have been known to eat a horse, it bothers me that people have stereotypes like that about certain breeds. Yeah, pitbulls are big and look scary but unless they're trained to fight or guard they're actually really sweet dogs. Same thing with Dobermans (although, they have a few screws loose in the head but that's another issue). The way I see it, any dog can bite. The worst dogs I've worked with have been Jack Russles and Labradors.

I went to look at this apartment complex once and this is about the conversation I had with the tour lady:

"Do you have anymore questions about our apartments?"

"Yeah, just out of curiousity, I don't have a dog yet but do you allow them?" I asked.

"Yes, but we do not allow pitbulls or rottweilers."

"Really? Why is that?"

"Well, because they're the two most dangerous breeds," she said.

"Well, I feel very protected now. So why don't you ban all dogs?" It should be noted, there was quite a bit of sarcasm in this statement.

"Other dogs don't bite." At this point in the conversation I realized I was dealing with a real moron.

"Ma'am, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if it has teeth, it bites."

She sort of looked at me and I could tell she didn't know what to say. I'll be honest, I had decided long before this exchange that I didn't want to live there because it was too long a commute and there were too many undergrads living there so I decided to continue to be an ass.

As I got up I said: "Well thank you for showing me around but I don't think this is going to be the place for me."

"I'm sorry to hear that, may I ask why?" she asked.

"I don't believe in racial profiling."